Twice now I’ve deleted a post just before hitting “Publish” out of fear of someone else’s reaction (I had the cutest intro paragraph too…). That was supposed to be the entire point of this blog- to post freely and earnestly to aid in my recovery. Of course, no speech is without consequence, but even just … Continue reading Balance
I haven’t been to the movies in a while, so I was excited when my friend suggested that we head to a nearby theater last weekend. We left the house intending to watch either Hidden Figures or La La Land and of course, with our luck, we ended up in Split. To my pleasant surprise, … Continue reading Calories on a Menu? Problem.
For my semester off from graduate school at NC State, I moved to Indiana to be with my family. I used to go back and visit North Carolina monthly, however. Without fail, I left North Carolina in tears every time. I would arrive at the airport with puffy eyes and a red nose and then … Continue reading That Time I Met Trevor Noah
All day, I’ve felt like my chest was being crushed and like I was choking on nothing. It’s a familiar sensation, but it’s one I’ve been lucky to dodge for some time now. That’s the thing about the heart. It can mend. But that also means that it can break all over again. I know … Continue reading The Truth About Today
In her book, Life Without Ed, Jenni Schafer shares a personification of her eating disorder, whom she aptly names “Ed.” She compares Ed’s tendencies to those of an abusive ex or someone of the sort. I found it so eye-opening and relatable that I shared it with two school counselors and a psychiatrist. I even bought … Continue reading Meaningless
“So, are you guys, close? I mean, do you do stuff toge- is it easy to get to know your fellow classmates?…” Every program tour went like this, and I wanted to kick myself for it. I’d shadow a physical therapy student around, meet faculty, and end the day with a Q&A. With each visit … Continue reading Becoming Unseen
Islam simply amazes me. There are teachings for every situation you could possibly encounter- many that I never realized I would. My favorite teaching is one about friendships. I remember the day when my father told me that our souls existed before we came down to earth, and that we had friends even during that … Continue reading Friends for Life
Oh wow, has my living room always been tilted? I should probably lie back down. No, I’ll sit so that it’ll be more active. But I did see that infographic about how there’s more pressure on your lower back when you sit rather than lie down. I want to be able to work out later … Continue reading Thoughts I’ve Had While Fasting with An Eating Disorder
A friend suggested that I write about the 24 things I have learned by the age of 24, but let’s be honest, I just don’t have that sort of wisdom. Instead, I thought I’d play it natural and write those things that I *Kylie Jenner voice* have realized about myself. AKA, this post is interesting to … Continue reading 24 at 24
I’ll admit, I’ve been hiding lately. Specifically, I’ve been avoiding the gym. Before I get into it, I want to admit publicly (this is how I’ll hold myself accountable) that I have plans to get to the gym to work out today at 5 PM- I have a staff meeting at the same gym at 6. … Continue reading Olly Olly Oxen Free
I made a vow to myself today. For the sake of fairness, it’s one that I’ve made many times and have broken in equality. I promised myself that I would be quieter around others, subdued in my interactions and reserved in what I reveal about myself- be it in orality or in writing. I’m too … Continue reading Can You Hear Me Now?
Cold winters and early sunsets can exacerbate depression (did you know that SAD is a real type of depression? It stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder. #themoreyouknow) or even just a feeling of gloom and fatigue for many people. The fact that it starts to get dark by 4:30 PM makes me feel like my entire … Continue reading 10 Ways to Beat Winter Boredom
From therapists: “You were just laughing out in the lobby, so you’re clearly having a good day.” “You don’t look like you have an eating disorder.” “You’re not overweight, so I’m wondering where the issue is here.” “Why are you depressed? You have a lot of friends.” From friends: “You’re so oversensitive. You need to … Continue reading The Burden of Proof
So here I am doing the one thing I told myself that I would never have the time, nor the extroversion, to do- I’m starting a blog. For the past 2 years, I have been focused on getting into physical therapy school to earn my doctorate and the time has finally come- I was accepted … Continue reading I’m Starting a Blog!
My heels are swollen, my lower back doesn’t quite extend like it used to, and I constantly smell like a combination of hand sanitizer and latex. I love my new job. I am now entering my third month as a mobility specialist on the Up and Movin’ team at Deaconess Hospital here in Indiana. I spent … Continue reading Let’s Get Physical
IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER, HERE ARE MY CURRENT FAVORITES TO FOLLOW ON INSTAGRAM FOR DAILY INSPIRATION. THESE ACCOUNTS SPREAD BEAUTIFUL MESSAGES OF BODY POSITIVITY, LOVING ONE’S WHOLE SELF, AND REJECTING DIET CULTURE. IN ONE WAY OR ANOTHER, EACH HAS HELPED ME TO CELEBRATE AND STRIVE FOR A POSITIVE BODY IMAGE AND A HEALTHY MIND. I … Continue reading 10 BOPO Accounts to Follow Today
Trigger warning: I will be discussing my own struggles with food, body image, and mental health. As a Zumba instructor, myself, I really enjoy attending a variety of other fitness classes- yoga, Group Power- I’ll try anything. Last week, my sister and I attended Strong by Zumba for the first time. It’s essentially a HIIT class where … Continue reading Why Teaching Zumba is the Hardest Part of my Week
I have an inability to sleep in. No matter how hard I try, I always wake up before 8 or 9 AM, and can’t comfortably fall back asleep. So when I woke up yesterday and saw that the top of my phone screen read “11:15 AM,” I was relieved. I wish I could say that it … Continue reading No, It’s Not “Just Food”
Throughout college, if I ever found myself bored with work (read: always), I would tell myself that it was time for some 20 minute enlightenment and turn on a TED Talk. If you’ve never seen a TED Talk, they’re short (typically 5 to 25 minutes) lectures where a speaker gets on stage and presents about their area of … Continue reading How a Ted Talk Saved My Life
I love birthdays. I love my own birthday, sure, but, and my friends won’t believe me, I love their birthdays more. Throwing a birthday party is my Christmas (Eid?) and my favorite presents to give are handmade (no guarantee on the quality). I already have the birthday card I’ll be mailing to my best friend … Continue reading 4/10
I’ve been having a hard time motivating myself to get outside and go for a walk, so this morning I left with a purpose- I spent a little time playing with my new camera! I don’t know a thing about photography, but I have to start somewhere, right?
It has been a few months since I taught Zumba for the first time, but the nervous excitement I felt that day never quite faded. If you’re getting ready to teach your first Zumba class, you may be wondering what to expect, what to avoid, and how to make it through without any major mishaps. … Continue reading What to Expect at Your First Zumba Class: Instructor Edition
1. Brush Hello Paperback Lined Journal by Fringe Studio. Available through Barnes & Noble for $11.95. 2. Customizable Modern Confetti Journal by Zazzle. Available through Zazzle for $11.15. 3. Green Inspired Journal by Green Inspired. Available through Target for $6.99. 4. Floral Spiral Notebook by Kate Spade New York. Available through Kate Spade New York for $18. 5. Be Brave Build … Continue reading 10 Beautiful Journals for Stress Relief
I’ve been brought up to understand that everything in life is a test. Both the good and the bad. The bad is, of course, difficult to deal with in patience and gratitude, but I think a lot of this past year has been about that. What I’m starting to notice is that I might have … Continue reading The Hardest Test
My Zumba teaching style is probably best described as… unpredictable. I usually don’t know which songs we’ll be doing until I’m already 2 songs in, I’ve never followed the order of my playlist, and I choreograph and practice in my head…in the car on the way to class. I don’t know if I don’t do … Continue reading Why I’m Completely Okay With Messing Up as a Zumba Instructor
Here’s the thing. I am extremely blessed. In many different ways, but for the sake of this post, I want to talk about my friends. I’ve always been the type of person that liked to talk things out- whether someone was sad, happy, confused…whatever. And I’ve always had people to do that with. While here … Continue reading The Hardest Part About Depression
I’ve never been very good at avoiding injury. I think the longest period of time I’ve gone while being seriously involved in exercise and simultaneously injury-free was 4 months, and even then I had occasional sharp pains in my ankle. They were seemingly random, but I learned two months ago that this was actually the early … Continue reading Getting the Boot
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Sometimes, people change. The problem isn’t a personality, it’s often a personality shift. I have one friend who is terrible at texting me back and who MIGHT take the time leave a voicemail every two or so years. Months can go by before he sends a response, and no matter how quickly I may shoot back a text, … Continue reading The Problem With Change
Unfortunately, this isn’t about life after finding recovery. Instead, I want to talk about my shift from one disordered behavior to another. Eating disorders are complicated beasts and there’s no such thing as a “one size fits all” or even “one size fits two people in exactly the same way.” My eating disorder used to be characterized … Continue reading The Other Side of Recovery
I wrote about how difficult it is to ask for help recently, so this may be a bit repetitive, but this is my blog and I’ll write what I please. The teenager in me hasn’t completely gone. We beat it into people’s heads endlessly that they should get help and that it’s okay to ask for … Continue reading It’s Not Enough to Want Help
I’m genuinely intimidated by you. This surprises some people. I’m fairly extroverted, which means I get my energy from being around others. That’s also usually my excuse for being such a loud-mouth, but that’s a separate issue. Lately I’ve been struggling more with body image and self-worth, and so I have a difficult time looking … Continue reading If I Don’t Look You in the Eyes, I’m Not Trying to be Rude
You’ve gone through heartbreak. The kind where your chest hurts, your stomach turns and your thoughts are constantly lapping each other while they each run laps in directions of their own volition.
Trigger warning. If you suffer from disordered eating or associated thoughts and feelings, please visit the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) website or call 1-800-931-2237 for immediate assistance. It is now exactly 1:50 AM and I can’t sleep. Thoughts of, “I’m a failure,” echo on beat with the ticking of my ceiling fan. They’re both … Continue reading And Thus, I Have Failed
trigger warning: eating disorders 10 more pounds. I like the moment arm method more, and I know we can use that to find the torques. But can I use it for the joint reaction for- Remember when you lost all that weight and you thought you could maintain it? That was a joke. Cosine of … Continue reading Exams with Ed
This post was written for the National Eating Disorders Association in honor of the 2018 NEDA Awareness Week. When I first started writing this post, my intention was to highlight how eating disorders affect the Muslim community in ways that differ from people of other faiths (or no faith). However, the more I looked into … Continue reading What You Need to Know About Eating Disorders in Muslim Communities
Trigger warning: eating disorders, depression, anxiety, exercise/fitness Last week, I put up an Instagram story to share that I was off to my first workout with my new personal trainer. I know that might not sit well with everyone in the eating disorder recovery/body positive community- why hire just one more person to tell me how … Continue reading CAN I HAVE A PERSONAL TRAINER AND STILL BE #BODYPOSITIVE?